As I read through the many posts from my 102 students, many students mentioned they really needed to practice nonverbal communication and active listening. This is especially true in relation to their conduct at their service learning agency.
My question to them is "what does it LOOK like?" Now, that can be considered and odd question - what does listening LOOK like? Well, this is my perspective - when we actively listen to others, we are not just hearing the message, we are actually "in the moment". We are present and while listening, we are processing the message. While we actively listen to others, we are cognitively engaged. We are not just "going through the motions". So, what does it LOOK like? Well, this is when I like to talk about nonverbal communication. When we are in the moment, actively listening to another person (or a group of people), what does our body language say? Well, if you truly are actively listening, the first thing is eye contact. Are you making appropriate contact with your eyes. Are you looking at the person and connecting with eye contact or are you staring off into space? Now, I do suggest that we stare the person down, that can be just creepy. What I mean is that you look the person in the eye when you sense it to be appropriate. Typically, you glance into the speaker's eyes, take a moment to glance away, then return the eye contact.
What about body language? We need to take into account our posture, position of hands, arms, - think about how you feel when you are talking and the listener stands with his/her arms crossed. What does that convey - disapproval? Disagreement?
One of the most important things about nonverbal communication is your body language needs to match up with your words. Over 90% of our messages are sent nonverbally.
As this semester moves forward, it is challenging for me to teach this concept via distance. Because I can't see the students. However, I find the students who take this class really take the subject matter seriously and they practice the guidelines from the text and the suggestions from their instructor (that would be me...ha ha).
So, I ask - what are your thoughts on active listening and nonverbal communication?
My first thought is that these both sound like oxymorons of sort! We tend to think of listening as passive and communication as verbal. Therefore, to talk about "active listening" and "nonverbal communication" must be some kind of trick!
ReplyDeleteIn reality, listening is one of the hardest parts of communication (for me, at least). It's so easy to get distracted, or to think, "I really don't understand what you are talking about," or to spend the time preparing what you will say next rather than really listening. It is so hard, that being ACTIVE is really the only way I can listen effectively. So, I try to look people in the eye (if it's culturally appropriate), nod my head to encourage them to continue and even smile or frown as is suitable to the content. I know this might sound a bit artificial, but it's really not when you are in the moment. I'm sure you do it all the time. It's just a matter of stepping it up when you find yourself drifting into the dialogue from the last episode of "House" rather than listening to what your friend is trying to say.
As for "nonverbal communication," I know that most of what I communication is nonverbal. My mom used to say to me "don't you look at me in that tone of voice!" Of course, what she was telling me was that even without saying a word, I was "saying" something -- probably something she didn't like or I would not have gotten the scolding! Being aware of my nonverbals is one of the biggest communication challenges of my life. I am quite transparent in my facial expressions, posture, and of course, the eye rolls that I try so hard to suppress. So, what is a poor INFJ to do? Believe it or not, I think this is related to active listening! If I pay attention to what I am saying (verbally or non-verbally), I can sometimes monitor my body language. That's not to say that I am being inauthentic, but rather I think a bit before I eye roll or sigh! It can make all the difference in the world to communicate your message and really be heard.
Whew! Great question. I'm off to go cheer the Huskers! I'm sure there will be a LOT of active listening and nonverbal communication in the room there! :-)